Name Calling and Being Mean

It baffles me how mean some kids can be to others. Why they are that way seems to be poor parenting and not learning that we should treat others like we would like to be treated.

Name calling seems to be the norm as well as being just plain mean. The deeper issue is not being sensitive to someone else’s feelings. Part of discipline is helping your child learn empathy. Therefore, parents need to help their child imagine how the other person feels when he is called that name so they will understand why they should not do it. When you appeal to their sensitivity and own feelings and those of others it is the first step in changing the behavior.

Name calling and being mean is not acceptable behavior and it deserves an apology. Teach your child to apologize when they call someone a name or when they are mean and also how to express themselves differently when they are mad at someone. Telling that person why you are mad stops the argument before it starts and lets them know that their behavior was not acceptable and that it needs to be changed.

Children also become the victims of name calling or being treated disrespectfully. When this happens discuss with your child that some kids are mean and some are nice. To explain this better, give your child a situation when someone calls another a name or is disrespectful (or use a recent situation when this has happened to them). Then ask your child what would be the right thing to say or do in this situation and why. Use pictures if necessary so they will understand (social stories, comic strips, etc.). Try to draw out some responses from your child. Have them share what they would have done and why. Discuss the answers that they have given. You could ask, “What is the worse thing someone could say or do in this situation?” or “Why do you think that answer is the right thing to do?” Etc. You can also have your child relate each issue to a commandment to help them decide what to do.

As your child goes about his daily life, take advantage of natural opportunities to highlight behaviors that facilitate or impeded being respectful and being nice. Discuss with your child why someone would be respectful and nice. When appropriate, reinforce a variety of ways to say or do things properly.