Backtalk

Backtalk is a form of arrogant and sarcastic behavior that children have perfected over the years and parents should not tolerate it. Backtalk is something said or done that hurts you, embarrasses you, annoys you, or leaves you feeling helpless. In other words, it really pisses you off BIG time!

Backtalk from children includes shaming statements like “You don’t know anything,” or “All parents think it is okay but you!” Simply put, it’s their way of telling you that they think you are stupid and don’t know nothin’. Parents don’t be a doormat and listen to this crap. Children are to honor their mother and father and that also goes for their elders. God didn’t make that commandment for nothing and children need to abide by it.

Simple rudeness is another type of backtalk parents should not accept. I can’t stand it when children do not speak politely to adults or anyone for that matter. Grunts and snorts, eye rolling, making ugly sounds, etc. are the norm and I find this kind of backtalk the most menacing and annoying of all.

Many parents feel backtalk it okay. These kind parents have no backbone at all and these liiiiiiiittle so called angels of theirs will probably turn into the biggest pains in the butt in today’s society. This kind of parenting will not teach children to treat others respectfully. If anything, it will teach the children that being rude and disrespectful is okay and justified.

So what’s a parent to do when their child does backtalk? First, you tell them that what they did was disrespectful and their behavior was not acceptable. Remember to talk only about your thoughts and feelings in a neutral tone of voice. Losing your temper just adds fuel to the fire and it can turn into a shouting match quite quickly. Then choose the right consequence for the behavior and it must be logical or in other words fit the crime. To be effective so the child will learn not to do the behavior again, a consequence of backtalk must be immediate and directly related to the backtalk. For example, whatever activity that comes immediately after the backtalk will be withdrawn as a consequence.

Examples:

Teen: “I don’t want to come home now!”
Parent: “Because you spoke to me in a disrespectful way when I asked you to come home from Steve’s house, you cannot go to his house for a week.”

Teen: “You call this edible?”
Parent: “Your tone was not acceptable. Because you spoke to me in a disrespectful way, you may leave the dinner table.” (Do not let them take their dinner to another room. Do not allow them to fix something else to eat.)

Teen: “Will you give me a break?!”
Parent: “Your backtalk is using up my energy and time. I will not use my energy and time to _______.” (Think of all the things you provide for them that you are able to do and want to do. Do not do something she wants like taking her to the mall or having a friend sleep over, etc. Do not drive her to the mall. Have the teen call her friend and tell her that the sleep over has been canceled.)


After choosing the most logical consequence, the adult must follow through with the consequence immediately, without giving the backtalker another chance, no matter how much they plead, whine, and promise to change. And last but not least, disengage from the struggle with the backtalker. When you show a lack of interest in the bad behavior the child will understand that this behavior will not get him his way or the attention, power, and revenge that he wants.



Here is a game that I made that might help your child understand what backtalk is and what they should say.

This game is free, however it is only to be used for classroom and personal use. It may not be published on any websites or other electronic media, or distributed in newsletters, bulletins, or any other form or sold for profit. Reproduction or retransmission of any materials, in whole or in part, in any manner, is not permitted.


8 pages of cards

Back Talk: The objective of this game is for the children to honor their parent’s requests in the proper way.

Back Talk Game- Directions and Game Cards