Rules & Consequences for Older Children

Rules

Rules should tell your children exactly how you want them to behave. They should be specific and tell precisely what your child should do. By not giving clear and specific rules your children will be confused as to what is expected of them. Make sure the rules are reasonable (age appropriate) and that your child can do them independently.


Example:

Keep your room clean.


This is too vague and children will have their own interpretation as what they consider a “clean” room is. Be sure to show exactly what is expected of them and how to do it. So there will not be any misunderstanding a specific explanation could be:


Bedroom must be straightened every morning before you leave for school.

• Bed made.
• Toys, books, clothes, etc. put away in their proper place.


Bedroom must be cleaned every Saturday morning by noon.

• Dirty clothes put in laundry basket.
• Furniture, shelves, and items in room dusted.
• Carpet/floor vacuumed.
• All toys and other items put away in their proper place (closet, drawers, shelves, etc.).
• All clean clothes put away in their proper place.
• Change sheets and pillow case. Make bed.


The rules above are enforceable because you can see if the child has done each step.


Have a set of rules for your children. They can be for cooperation, listening, following directions, chores, homework time, etc.

Example:

You will cooperate, listen, and follow directions.
You will do your chores (list chores with explicit details like the above example).
You will do your homework (list times, etc.)


Make sure you are specific and your children know exactly what they are to do. Go over the rules and explain fully using examples so that your children know what is expected of them and what will happen if they do not.

To discuss this further with your children you can state a rule that was broken and see what consequences they can think of. You might be surprised with what they come up with. This will help teach your children that their choices have consequences and that they have to follow rules just like parents do. If the parent does not pay the mortgage, they loose the house. If you do not wash your dirty clothes, you will not have clean clothes to wear, etc.



Consequences

Consequences teach children how to make decisions. Good decisions result in positive consequences. Poor decisions result in negative consequences. Consequences also teach children that there is cause-effect and this is what happens when I choose to do this.

Like rules, consequences must be specific, reasonable and enforceable. Remember to use consequences that you can enforce.

Use rules with consequences to teach your children that behaving in a responsible manner is their choice. Their choices determine their consequences. Once expectations and consequences are set, stick to them and be consistent.

What would be a good consequence for breaking a rule? The consequence relates to what rule that was broken.


Examples:

Your teen is told to be home by 10 p.m. and they are a few minutes late. The consequence could be they cannot go out again at night for a week.

Your child did not clean their room and they want to go out to play. The consequence could be they cannot go out and play until they clean their room properly.

Your teen wants to go to the movies and they do not have any money. The consequence is that they cannot go to the movies because they do not have any money to pay for it.


*Reality consequences teach responsibility and decision making because they permit children to learn from the real world. Use reality consequences whenever possible.