From my previous post "Communicating with Teachers and Paraprofessionals" some might say that the gist of it was to suck up to the school to get what your child needs. SPOILER ALERT! Well, if you came to that conclusion, you’re right! Sucking up is necessary for special needs parents to do. I wonder if they have books on that subject? (Uh oh, I feel another book obsession coming.)
Since my son is doing well in school (the school counselors and caseworkers understand his needs and the teachers follow through with the IEP) sucking up is my weapon of choice. I use it whenever possible and the school seems to thrive on it. I know you are asking yourself: To suck up or not to suck up, that is the question? I say go for it. Sucking up comes in many forms, which to use is debatable, but if animals do it, why can’t we?
Sucking up to win the support of another dates back to our furry ancestors. The motivation for monkeys is life and death. For eons monkeys have picked the dead skin and bugs from the fur of higher-ranking monkeys in exchange for backing in fights. In 1977 psychologist Robert Seyfarth hypothesized that monkeys exchange grooming for support. Many scoffed at this revelation, but after 36 relevant studies that were done on 14 different primate species, they found that frequent groomers receive more support from those served. So if animals do it and it works for them, why not us?
So how do you suck up to people? I don’t know about you, but I need to find new and creative ways to suck up to people. When you deal with people that hold the keys to obtaining the best possible education for your child you will do ANYTHING to achieve that. I have learned over the years to stay focused on my objective, develop my strategies, form alliances, and do major sucking up to get what needs to be done for my child. As I always say, “Whatever works” and do it!
Yes, sucking up is an art form really, especially if you can do it without the person finding out you are actually sucking up to them to get what you want. Here are a couple sites that give ideas on how to suck up that are very informative. Take notes and remember to suck up whenever possible!
The Art of Sucking Up
How to suck up without looking like you’re sucking up
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10 comments:
this sight looks great I can tell you do alot of work for it I am going to give the link to a friend of mine who teaches sunday school first grade I think she could find lots of great tips
shopannies-
Thanks! I'm so glad you find it informative. :)
What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall while you're sucking up to them. LOL
"And she's coming in for the kill!"
Interesting.......I didn't realise at first that I have a definite advantage in this country. It was a friend of mine who pointed out that the staff seemed to pay more attention to me, when I spoke, than to her.........turns out that a BBC accent give me a toe hold on the ladder without even trying.
Cheers
Debbie-
Let me tell you, I ALWAYS get what I want for my child. I have become VERY creative over the years and my son has reaped the benefits with my 'sucking up' to the school! LOL!
Maddy-
Oh, yes! Sucking up comes in many shapes and forms. What ever works for you, do it and use what you have (your job, contacts, accent, etc.) to get what your child needs! :)
Truer words were never blogged.
I worked many years as an itinerant OT & PT in public schools/special education. Realize that the classrooms are the territory of the teacher, and the therapists who pop in and out are not always welcome. My skill-set had to be very much the same as you describe to influence how the children were treated. Excellent series of posts, of which I am also going to pass around to some folk. Barbara
thextras-
I was an itinerant O & M Specialist for the whole county so I can relate to you very easily. I got so tired of walking that tightrope day in and day out trying to teach my students and getting along with their teachers.
Amazing Grace, thank you! You said it - exactly - a tightrope.
Me.not.there.anymore.
Parents I talk to (not via blogging) really struggle with my suggestions of getting more with sugar than vinegar. They are prompted by an advocacy culture to 'fight' for their child's rights.
School personnel have sooo many means to work around (ignore) irritable parents. Once pegged a problem, a parent's effectiveness is dramatically reduced. Winning an IEP 'battle', even legally, is often a surface success. That was my experience anyway.
Barbara
thextras-
I stopped teaching years ago. I don't know how I did it for as long as I did. LOL!
Yes, I keep telling parents that there is a right way and a wrong way about advocating for your child. Parents MUST work and collaborate with the school so their child can get the best possible education they can. Fighting with the school just makes them want to say NO to everything. Yes, I swallow my pride when I deal with the school, but I also get what my child needs so he can succeed in school. :)
Yep, once you are labeled a pain in the butt, the school will ignore your pleas and your child will suffer.
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