Communicating with Teachers and Paraprofessionals

When communicating with teachers and paraprofessionals the # 1 priority is creating and maintaining a good relationship with your child's team. It sounds simple, but in reality it is easier said than done. Parents will do anything for their child to receive the best education available so they can reach to their fullest potential. So how can a parent do this without stepping on some toes and ruffling a few feathers?

Working with the school system is like being on the reality game show “Survivor” where the parent is isolated in the wilderness of special education and must compete for supports and services for their child and to do this they must outwit, outplay, and outlast their opponent. At times the school even tries to use progressive elimination, allowing them to vote off supports or services until there are none remaining. During the course of your child’s education, parents must also compete in challenges against the school which usually consist of endurance, problems solving, teamwork, dexterity and/or will power and are specifically designed to drive you up the wall as you try to obtain the best education possible for your child. The parent must endure this humiliation and highly frustrating ordeal, but the results can mean everything and the reward is significant: your child will receive the best education possible and will achieve to their fullest potential.

I used to be a special education teacher and now I am a parent of a special needs child so I have been on both sides of the table. I know how each side feels and how things can and sometimes go wrong. Needless to say over the years these simple suggestions below have worked for me and I hope they are useful to you.


• Establish a good rapport with the school and staff. Be sure to let them know that you will help in any way. Volunteer for to help in the classroom, various school functions, classroom field trips, join the PTA, etc. Be active and reflect positive feedback to the school and staff for everything that they are doing for the students.

• Appreciate your school and staff. Let them know how much you appreciate all their hard work. Teacher Appreciation Week is a great time to do this. You can bake items, make banners and proclaim how much you appreciate their hard work, help plan a Teacher Appreciation Luncheon, etc. The sky is the limit. This is where your creativity comes into action and the teachers love it!

• Be calm when problems arise. As soon as tempers fly, so does your opportunity to get what your child needs.

• Be positive and open minded. Remember that you have to work with these professionals to get what your child needs. Whenever you are dealing with the school and staff ALWAYS be positive and open minded. Refusing or cutting them off will not help your child in getting what he/she needs.

• Do not be demanding and inflexible. No one likes working with anyone that will not cooperate. You might have to compromise on some things, but getting some of what your child needs is a step in the right direction. You can meet later with the team and present your concerns and suggestions again. They might be more willing and acceptable to what you have to say after trying what they think is best and your child has not benefited from them.

• When problems arise always back up your concerns with data (teacher and parent observations, report cards, tests, books and papers, doctor suggestions, teacher and parent notes to each other, child’s classroom and homework papers, etc.). Present this in a positive way by not pointing fingers, but as what is presently happening with your child. (Example: Tommy’s behavior is disrupting the class when they transition from one activity to another. Would a visual schedule that shows what will happen during the day help?) Ask the team’s opinions or suggestions on your ideas to help your child. (What do you think? Do you have any suggestions? Etc.) Have it a collaboration between you and your child’s team. You might be surprised with what they come up with.

• If your child is having problems and the team does little to help you identify and resolve the issues you need to get more information from them to find out what is wrong. You will have to ask for example: “In what specific ways is she misbehaving? Why do you think she is doing these behaviors? Why is she not keeping up with the class? What specific reading deficits does she have? What does she do that creates a disturbance in the class? Is she having difficulty with math concepts or math computations? What can be done to address these problems?” The more concrete the teacher’s feedback, the more productive the conference will be and it will be easier to come up with a plan or suggestions of what to do to combat the problem(s).

• Do not put a teacher on the spot saying that you are dissatisfied or that they are not handling the situation properly. The teacher will become defensive and the situation will not be resolved. Make every effort to be reasonable, sensitive, and respectful.

• Always end letters and any confrontations in a positive way. Leaving on a good note keeps doors open, allows for more communication with your child’s team, and it maintains a good relationship.


*This is a lot for a parent of a special needs child to do, but don’t you want what is best for your child? You do and if you have to jump through a few hoops to do it, so be it. I did and I do not regret it one bit. In elementary school my son was always getting C’s and D’s, his behavior was a problem, and he was behind grade level in all subjects. I presented my concerns, backed them up with data, and worked with his schools. It wasn’t easy, but I did it and now he is a senior in high school and has been on the Honor Roll since 6th grade.

Yes, I’m a survivor of the special education system. I did what I had to so my child could receive the best education he possibly could and I do not regret it one bit. Nope, not one bit.